11.20.09

I want freedom for the full expression of my personality. ~Gandhi

Today I am grateful…

• that today is my sister’s birthday! I LOVE HER!
• to not have to pay for haircuts and manicures
• that I am having simple thoughts this morning, nothing profound
• for all the birthday wished I got Wednesday, too many to count
• for tulips on my desk

Life is about choice. To be spiritual people, we must make spiritual choices. Honesty is a spiritual choice. And working the Steps is a spiritual choice.
Our life is the sum total of our choices. We owe it to ourselves to choose wisely. We can do that now, thanks to the program.

~Keep It Simple

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SO!!!

I remember when you were young
Let me reminisce
You're now very very old
Happy Birthday, Sis

 

It’s Trailboss’ birthday!

11.19.09

Thank you for the well wishes yesterday, “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” ~G.B. Stern

Today I am grateful…

• that yesterday was just about as perfect a day as I have ever had
• for Benadryl and nasal spray, about the only things that are keeping my allergies under control
• that God gave me a mind which I can use to make decisions. I do not have to believe everything I hear or read. I can think for myself.
• for yesterday’s speaker meeting. Something for everyone—from someone drunk making commentary to a touching life story.
• that all in all—I have it all

Perseverance can tip the scales from failure to success. ~unknown

11.18.2003 > 2,192 days < 11.18.2009

 

 

 

Twenty-one hundred ninety-two days have passed since I walked back in the front door of Lambda Center. It was all over. No more fighting it, no more fearing it. There was no more time for making excuses to myself. This was the surrender. I had to surrender if I wanted any chance to win.

The door closed behind me. I sat down and got to work. I listened. I went to meetings every day. I did what was suggested. I prayed. I got a sponsor. I began to work the steps again. I came early and stayed late. I sat on the side and saw a room full of gay men and lesbians that had found a way to live sober. And I wanted what they had.

'I' found the 'we' of the program. I realized I did not have to do it alone. All the weight of the fear I had carried all my life seemed to lift and I could breath again. And I have lived, really lived one day at a time.

Today, at the six year mark in my sobriety, I have the experience of walking with giants. For in this life I feel I am doing the work I was meant to be doing. The veil of illusion gets thinner. The presence of a higher power is palpable as my faith builds. My prayers are prayers of gratitude. I have all I need. I am truly blessed.

 

...and I cannot say what has happened to me, except, I am not the same.

11.17.09

We have two authorities which are far more effective. One is benign, the other
malign. ~Bill W

Today I am grateful…

• that where I was is not where I am
• for soft, warm pullovers
• that I am getting more comfortable with the ‘what anyone thinks of me is none of my business’ thing
• that I nave my needs supplied today. A warm bed, shelter, adequate clothing, shoes, medicines, sobriety, recovery, hugs, smiles, songs, laughs, puppies, a higher power, people to whom I can say ‘I love you’ and mean it
• for rearranged thoughts

The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person's suffering and bring that person joy. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

11.16.09

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. ~Dave Tyson Gentry

Today I am grateful…

• for the dawning of a new day and the discomforts of yesterday are lessened
• that the world is full of inspiration, al kinds, when I am willing to see it
• that it almost feels like winter outside this morning
• for spiritual maintenance, both comfortable and uncomfortable
• that I have today what I never thought would be available to me, a drunk

Koi pond taken with my iPhone.

If you were walking back from a well, carrying a bucket of water & someone jostled you, there could be spilled from the bucket only that which it contained. As you walk along the way of life, people are constantly bumping into you. If your heart is full of ill nature, bad temper, and ugly disposition, only those things will be spilled from it. On the other hand, if it is full of love, you will spill a smile or pleasant remark. You can spill from your bucket only that which it contains. ~Author Unknown

The Wind Was Cold

10" x 20", acrylic

11.15.09

A great many people think they are thinking when they are only rearranging their prejudices. ~William James

Today I am grateful…

• to have solutions
• that I can have days where I feel strained and fragile and know they will pass
• that I spent a little while with a couple of friends last night but it did little to ease yesterday’s loneliness
• that I have what I need for this day
• that a Higher Power sustains me, guides me, keeps me facing forward

Our common problem is really that we're human beings who need a spiritual life in order to become our true selves. This can turn a problem into a new life if we accept the program. ~Walk in Dry Places

11.14.09

The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing. ~Anonymous

Today I am grateful…

• that it’s Saturday and since I woke with a sore throat I could go back to bed for an extra hour. It didn’t make the sore throat go away, but it made me feel good to indulge.

• to have found a path of less resistance

• that today, if I remain spiritually fit, all will be right with my world

• that sometimes when I listen to a favorite song I wonder why I like it or love it so much. Then I wonder if I will like it my next time around. Then I wonder if I have ever seen a painted portrait of me from another life time. Then I wonder as I wander...

Monument Valley, AZ my favorite place on Earth

Life is about "being" and not "doing". Spirituality is about taking time out for me because I am worth it. "Be still and know that I am God," said the psalmist. In the silence of self I have discovered the meaning of life and I have found God. ~Fr Leo

Word Verification Enabled

Sorry, but I am receiving several spam comments daily. Some people have nothing better to do than post useless advertising comments on posts that date way back in time.

Friday the 13th

The soul conceives, the mind creates, the body experiences. The circle is complete. ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful…

• for perfect November weather
• that I did not get overly perturbed yesterday when I entered a retail store and Christmas music was playing
• that I could end a lot of thoughts with ‘but what do I know’ and it be appropriate
• that gratitude keeps me connected with the good things in my life
• that today will probably go as planned (not my plan, the real plan)

 

Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity. ~Daily Reflections

11.12.09

It may be those who do most, dream most.---Stephen Leacock

Today I am grateful…

• for after the meeting meeting at a local eatery and laughing until we cried
• that yesterday I noticed how clear my body feels these days. Walking has taken on a new posture.
• that daily I tell a minimum of one person I love them, and get at least one I love you from another
• for boundaries that have been released and healthy ones that have been built
• that I no longer crave or desire alcohol. A neutral position, like it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, has taken over. Contingent on my spiritual condition, of course.

 

Daydreaming gives us hope. It makes our world bigger. Daydreaming can be part of doing Step Eleven. As we meditate, we daydream. Through our daydreaming, we get to know ourselves, our spirit, and our Higher Power. What special work can we do? Our dreams can tell us.
There is time to work and time to dream. Daydreaming helps us find the work our Higher Power wants us to do. ~Keep It Simple

1111

I have this routine in the morning. I check my email and Facebook, then I start with my blogroll. As I make my way down I have bookmarked THIS site. On the first page I click the ‘CLICK to give’ button, then I click the next tab at the top. Each tab takes you to a page to click so the sponsors will pay for habitat protection, books, child healthcare, mammograms and cups of food. You can do this daily. It takes about fifteen seconds to click them all. A simple way to give back.

Some people think 11:11 is an angel number.

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase, if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. ~C P Snow

Today I am grateful…

• for the talents and heart of Michael Jackson. We saw This Is It yesterday afternoon and it totally blew me away.
• that I have friends that totally get me. What a gift!
• to have more freedoms today than ever before

• that I can have my home as quiet and peaceful as I want, or I can turn up the music and dance

• that Bunny can be a spazzed out Tasmanian devil, but he melts my heart

It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and now. ~Bill W

11.10.09

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

Today I am grateful…

• for the foundation for life the program of AA has given me. When that foundation is shaking I can know it is God that is shaking it. (thanks, Dave)
• to have met a young man who got sober two days after I did and is celebrating this month, too
• that I can put Pam’s name here and she feels famous ‘nshit
• that I resigned from the debating society, except for occasional excursion within my own head
• that people all smile in the same language

It seems a sponsor's job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. ~Bob E.

11.09.09

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

Today I am grateful…

• for dining and chatting al fresco
• another sober weekend well lived

• that if I pay enough attention today will teach me something I didn't know or perceive yesterday

• that God did not remove all my character defects, instead I was given the ability to recognize some when they surface and ways to deal with them appropriately

• that when I detach from the craziness of this world the more peace I find

In recovery, we learn that we don’t know everything. We had stopped listening. Most of us had been asked by family, friends, doctors, and employers to stop drinking and using other drugs. But, we didn’t listen. If we had listened, we would’ve been in this program long ago. Addiction did something to how we listen. We heard only what we wanted to hear. ~Keep It Simple

11.08.09

If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got. ~W. L. Bateman

Today I am grateful…

• that Pammie is back to posting
• that yesterday I was where I was supposed to be, I will be there today, too
• that there is no punishment, only guidance
• that today I have nothing to prove to anyone

• for the grace that supports today's blessings and gives me their experience

• that we are all fighting the same battle, in some ways

• for commitments

• for solutions

Sitting at a meeting and sharing how much you love everyone in the room is meaningless if you fail to help cleanup, talk to the newcomer, inquire after the old-timer, and make sure everyone has a ride home. My well done is better than my well said. ~Pocket Sponsor

Balance and Economy

18” x 24”, acrylic on canvas

11.07.09

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures in not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. ~George Bernard Shaw

Today I am grateful…

• that I have managed to keep my commitment to post daily. December 5 will mark five years.
• that even though time seems to be speeding up, I remember my days and nights
• that my life today is what I make of it. I have total freedom of choice.
• for balance and economy
• that I have a Higher Power to align with, fellowship to confide in and peace of mind to rest in

Forget your old ideas.

Forget the lies they told you.

Forget them all, and you will begin to remember.

~Marianne Williamson

11.06.09

Frank Lloyd Wright’s masterpiece, Falling Water

If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written. Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted. ~Conversations with God

Today I am grateful…

• that experience tells me that if I take the step in front of me I probably won’t trip today. If I do then I can just get right back up and take the next one.
• that today I do not have to play off someone’s pain or loss to gain self adulation
• that yesterday afternoon I and a friend totally escaped by seeing September Issue
• that Sesame Street celebrates 40 years. It was not a part of my childhood, but it has delighted million of children and taught some seeking the freedoms we have to learn a new language
• that often I feel intense gratitude, like a friend standing at my back with its arms around my chest

 

What is not love is fear. Anger is one of fear's most potent faces.
And it does exactly what fear wants it to do. It keeps us from
receiving love at exactly the moment when we need it most.

~Marianne Williamson

11.05.09 part 2

What people really need is a good listening-to. ~Mary Lou Casey

Today I am grateful…

• for bullet points
• for Live Writer which I am posting through. Thanks Piglet! This is going to change how I blog!
• that this is a test post
• for double gratitude lists (see below)
• that the weather is GLORIOUS!

We of A.A. obey spiritual principles, at first because we must, then because we ought to, and ultimately because we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinarians; we need no others. -12 and 12, p. 174

Taken with the Sepia Photo app on my iPhone.

11.05.09

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way -- things I had no words for. ~Georgia O'Keeffe

Today I am grateful...

• that I do not have to apologize to anyone for my sobriety
• that I can live in a flow of gratitude
• that I have been given the grace to want to write a gratitude list daily
• that every day I concentrate on turning things over and letting them go in an attempt to express my gratitude to my Higher Power. I strive for trust.
• that I forget that you may have the same feelings as I, that you may be hurting or you may have the same feelings of fear
• for prayers for those who no longer come to meetings at Lambda. There are newcomers that will not know their experience, strength and hope.
• that today I will try hard not to whine

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these- Susan B. Anthony

11.04.09

Don't work for my happiness--show me yours--show me that it is possible--show me your achievement--and the knowledge will give me courage for mine. ~Ayn Rand

Today I am grateful...

• that I can remember my dad today, he would have been eighty-seven
• that I have no unfinished business with either parent
• to have laughed and cried yesterday, and had many emotions in between
• for new shoes. I love new shoes.
• that I have some how, mysteriously, accepted the work to be done in recovery
  

The newcomer feels he has struck something better than gold. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched the limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. -Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 128-129

11.03.09

There is nothing so moving--not even acts of love or hate--as the discovery that one is not alone. ~Robert Ardrey

Today I am grateful...

• for the honesty of first step meetings. Last night a gentleman shared at his first meeting. That kind of bravery I didn't have.
• that change is the only constant and no matter what is going on, this too shall pass
• that I am constantly finding small pebbles over which to stumble
• for messages of support from friends that are just enjoying such a beautiful day in their life
• that because I am not immune to alcoholism I have been given powerful tools to combat it
  

We have every reason to look forward into the future with hope and excitement. Fear nothing and no one. Work honestly. Be good, be happy. And remember that each of you is unique, your soul your own, irreplaceable and individual in the miracle of your mortal frame. ~ Pearl S. Buck

Land

2" x 13" x 1 1/2"
acrylic on shaped wood

11.02.09

Those who are awake live in a state of constant amazement. ~Buddha

Today I am grateful...

• that last night I was feeling antsy, bored, fitful, wanting to eat. A friend suggested I walk outside. Such a simple solution.
  
• for the floodlights on the apartment building down the street. The sprinkler's cool spray on the heat of the lightbulb made the nicest spritzy, foggy mist.
• that we are not a glum lot, usually
• that I can be emotionally vulnerable and available at the same time
• that despair and loneliness have been chased away by step 11
  

God will see that you are kept filled as long as you are giving to others. But if you selfishly try to keep all for yourself, you are soon blocked off from God, your source of supply, and you will become stagnant. ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

Jim Denevan's Art

11.01.09

There is no greater difference between men than between grateful and ungrateful people. ~R.H. Blyth

Today I am grateful...

• for all the sober fun last night at birthday night and the Halloween Dance. Here is Bryan as Richard Slimmons.
• that November is the traditional month of gratitude. I am grateful to have gotten sober this month (11/18/03). Today I get to raise my hand as one celebrating.
  
• that I texted Pammie this morning. She was a work briefly to finish a report then return to Mama's. She and L are preparing the path for Mama's Continuation Day. Pammie sounded good and right where she is supposed to be.
• for a jubilent meeting with my sponsor yesterday
• that this human experience keeps surprising me
  

If we have turned our will and lives over to our Higher Power, the real direction of our lives is out of our hands. We must think of ourselves as passengers in a divinely guided vehicle. ~Walk in Dry Places

MoreCreepies

Happy Halloween

10.31.09

Every saint has a past and every sinner a future. ~Oscar Wilde

Today I am grateful...

• that it's Halloween and I don't have to fear driving while intoxicated tonight
• that Dave was corrected when he said "Men don't wear outfits." lol
• that I was gifted with a real Avanti yesterday
• that today my fears are all manufactured in my wee brain
• that tonight is birthday night at Lambda Center followed by a costume contest and dance
  

A gypsy fire is on the hearth,
Sign of the carnival of mirth;
Through the dun fields and from the glade
Flash merry folk in masquerade,
For this is Hallowe'en!
~Author Unknown

10.30.09

I have learned not to hold back and wait for friends to come to me, but to go half way and to be met half way, openly and freely. ~24 Hours a Day

.

Today I am grateful...

• to have fallen asleep last night listening to the rythym of the falling rain and soft thunder
• that sobriety is magical (see below)
• for 5.95 years of sobriety
• that I have some good Halloween memories
• that when the hard shell was cracked there is plenty of soft stuff inside to last

How nice to have the fog lifted! Sobriety lets our wits grow sharper. We can go after our dreams and ideas. We can listen to music and sing. We are part of the magic of the universe. At times we may not feel very magical, but we are. Our spirits hold much magic. Sobriety is magic. We work at making the world a better place. In doing so, we get magical powers. Power that heals and comfort others. Power that heals and comforts others. Powers to understand things that before we could not. Powers that let us see the world as we’ve never seen it. Enjoy the magic and use your powers wisely! ~Keep It Simple

10.29.09

Today I am running the numbers. 1 - 12.

Today I am grateful...

• that I could stay up until 1AM playing interactive Scrabble on my iPhone with BB
• that Blogger is acting up this morning and I am posting in Firefox in an attempt to make it work
• that I am trying to focus more on compassion
  
• that what I keep in my head majorly influences hos I experience the world so I try to keep all that as healthy as possible
• that people find their way into the rooms of AA every day. Some stay. Some make it.
  

Sometimes the lesson may be a simple reminder to see the sacred in your ordinary life or to practice compassion for yourself as well as for others. Sometimes what we're going through is part of a larger lesson, one that may take us years to complete and comprehend. It's easy to fall into the false belief that there's some lesson that we have to push and struggle to learn. There isn't. ~More Language of Letting Go

10.28.09

Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite; that letting go is the path to real freedom. ~Sogyai Rinpoche

.

Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday fell together as it was intended
• to have met with a photographer who will start documenting and storing the photo files so we can produce prints of my work
• to have been given the gift of responding to others in a generous manner, that is a direct result of diminishing fears
• that I am learning how to use a calendar daily, I actually have stuff to keep up with these days. How different is that?
• that the search is on for additional 'earths'

God is to be discovered not merely in pious sentiments, as attractive as they may sound, but rather in the small steps of altered behavior. ~Fr Leo

Pam, just hold on until after Halloween

10.27.09

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

.

Today I am grateful...

• for the perfect day off yesterday. Gray, dark, rainy day. I shopped for eyeglasses--frames are just too expensive (the ones I want). I visited thrift stores and found some great buys. At the grocery store I told a woman her little round eyeglasses were great. She had boxes of chocolates, boxes of wine and 4 umbrellas in her cart. I mentioned she was having a party and she commented the wine was good to which I said there wasn't enough wine in that store for me. That led to a conversation about me being in AA, that she took her best friend for her 50th birthday to New Orleans and found a meeting for she and her friend to attend at Lambda N.O. Then I relayed the story about Lambda Houston setting up the first gay and lesbian hospitality suite at the N.O. national AA convention some 25+ years ago. She mentioned that we have a lesbian running for mayor and four other candidates for city positions are gay or lesbian. The chocolates were for her son in college, the 4 umbrellas were for her daughter and her friends in the car pool because they are not smart enough to get out of the rain. It was a charming interaction with a stranger, something again that would not have happened if I were still drinking. I gave her my card and she asked what I did, I said I painted and she said she would keep up with that!
• that in the Beginners meeting last night I was shown again that it is what I can bring to a meeting, not to be uncomfortable when the disease is bubbling in the room at eye level
• that I am back on my restricted eating plan and am down three pounds from Sunday
• that lately I have felt so good mentally, emotionally and spiritually that it is hard to imagine it getting better, but life keeps on doing just that

I am of some use in the world. I have a purpose in life. I am worth something at last. My life has a direction and a meaning. All that feeling of futility is gone. I can do something worthwhile. God has given me a new lease on life so that I can help other alcoholics. He has let me live through all the hazards of my alcoholic life to bring me at last to a place of real usefulness in the world. He has let me live for this. This is my opportunity and my destiny. I am worth something! ~Twenty-Four Hours a Day

10.26.09

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~Lao-tzu

.

Today I am grateful...

• that my choice of seat was determined by my being late for the 9:30 AM meeting yesterday. My neighbor and I experienced the power of an emotional share from a man 33 years sober, about having chosen in early sobriety to attend a fancy-schmancy party with his old friends. When he found he couldn't stay long he drove past the restaurant where his new, sober fellowship met for dinner and he tearfully shared that he felt so lost because he so badly wanted to be sitting in that restaurant. My neighbor in the meeting and I were in tears, too, because we recognized the power and the beauty that recovery has given us. We were sniffling messes--but good messes.
• that I have today off and it's cool, breezy, dark and rainy. I will go for my flu shot and let my HP direct me the rest of the way.
• that the umbrella of recovery will keep me dry today

Though many of us have had to struggle for sobriety, never yet has this Fellowship had to struggle for lost unity. Consequently, we sometimes take this one great gift for granted. We forget that, should we lose our unity, the millions of alcoholics who still 'do not know' might never get their chance. ~Bill W

.

We also know that any alcoholic can easily become cross-addicted if he or she uses other drugs. Our best course is to keep the door open for any person who comes to AA sincerely desiring help. If people find their answer in AA, they probably belong in the fellowship. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.25.09

...even the smallest, slowest steps, when they have a well-defined direction, can take you to the most ambitious and valuable goal. Once you're clear about your direction, your thoughts and actions will begin to take you there. For your life is a swift arrow in need of a target. -Ralph Marston

.

Today I am grateful...

• for the raw fun of last nights Drag Auction at the Lambda Center
• for the knowledge of having faults and that with some work they will not kill me
• for the privilege of watching others grow in their program
• for all the luxuries my life brings me
• that I have access to one of the country's best recovery centers, Lambda, and that it is only five minutes from home
• for a direct experience of accepting what God has provided

Giving is in harmony with God's will. It is a shining act of love. Give liberally as God gives. ~Swami Muktananda

10.24.09

If you don't ask, you don't get. ~unknown
.
Today I am grateful...

• for an evening of great art, laughter, squeezing in a half meeting, late dinner with a friend
• that I can have actual conversations with strangers, complete with whole sentences and eye contact. It didn't used to be that way.
• for the bonding friendships in recovery
• that the power of observation reveals a multitude of life's miracles
• for the blessings of having Bunny in my life

If God had a name, what would it be / And would you call it to his face / If you were faced with him in all his glory / What would you ask if you had just one question? ~Joan Osborne 'What if God Was One of Us'

10.23.09

I used to be shy. You made me sing. ~Rumi

.

Today I am grateful...

• for my commitment to write a daily gratitude list and post
• that my HP is kind and loving, not demanding and punishing
• that my relationship with strangers is different than it has ever been
• that I used to run FROM, now I run TOWARDS
• that the literature teaches me that my main problem is my thinking

We have these two forces; this insatiable thirst, compulsion, hunger, yearning, call it what you will. We don't know what we're looking for but we're searching. And the other force; the escape. We're running, not knowing what from. - Eddie E.

I would totally love an Avanti!

10.22.09

I am a procrastinator, so you can see why I value this quote:
Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ~M. Scott Peck

.

Today I am grateful...

• that more likely than not I will have what I need for this day
• that I got off the merry-go-round
• that I no longer gag when I am brushing my teeth
• that today I live as free as my program lets me
• that today I will strive to be 'right sized'

Say your truth—kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity. ~Conversations with God

10.21.09

We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. ~Bill W

.

Today I am grateful...

• that sometimes life is so different I do not recognize it as mine
• for God's winks
• for evolving in recovery
• that step three clears a path for my life to blossom
• that patience in the creative process is rewarded

Today I have a healthy respect for what the majority may feel but I also trust and follow my conscience. I know that to be in the minority is not necessarily to be in the wrong. My recovery insists that I listen to my conscience, that inner self that is based on a program of honesty, that spiritual cornerstone of my life that I have come to trust. ~Fr Leo

10.20.09

Accepting [a] gift with gratitude and using it to the best of our ability is true humility. ~Daily Om

.

Today I am grateful...

• that life in recovery has awesome moments
• to see AP and BS in their improv debut. It was the kind of fun where laughter takes over and just goes and goes...
• to ride in Dave's new, old, Caddy and have the cool night air swirl around me as we chatted about how life in recovery just keeps getting better and better
• for fellowship that included AP's kids and more laughter
• that late last night a friend and I were having a conversation via email/FB. We had seen our friend Angela last night, I had left a link to My Love by Petula Clark on his wall and told him a story about being in college and a friend who got a used copy of Color Me Barbra. Inside the album cover was a greeting card sent from one man to his lover in Vietnam. It said "I'm lying here listening to our girl, Pet Clark." Back in that dorm room we were taken by that and wondered what happened to those two guys. During all this, last night, I got a comment on yesterday's post from Nikki about how she found me by Googling unsalty tears and it concerned soldiers in war times (read her comment) and noticed on my sidebar the painting of Angela's dogs. She related the Native American story behind it, which Angela shares and was the impetus behind the painting. BB and I had shared that story last night, had been with AP and her kids, and Nikki found all that and left her comment. The whole circle of those events left me astonished.

Knowing Gods gift of inner strength and courage, I move forward with the things that once terrified me. ~Shelly

10.19.09

Never speak the truth in a way that will hurt others. ~Baba Muktananda

.

Today I am grateful...

• for the calendar feature on my phone. I am still having trouble remembering to check it daily, even several times a day...I still have trouble remembering what is on the days schedule
• that the light feeling of sadness from yesterday seems to have passed
• for all the low maintenance people in my life
• that my thinking is redirected daily
• that when I can relax the world is not so taut

In your self-discovery, ego, with all its limitations, cannot breathe. When peace, light and bliss descend from above, vanity, pride and ego disappear. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.18.09

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. ~William H. Walton

.

Today I am grateful for...

• service work
• Round Up car wash
• sponsor meeting
• afternoon nap
• fellowship dinner
• gallery opening
• desert on the patio
• laughing with friends
• inside jokes
• falling asleep smiling

You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful, the more will be given you. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Confusing

10.17.09

Every child is an artist. The problem is to remain an artist once your grow up. ~Pablo Picasso

.

Today I am grateful...

• to be involved in life
• for fun art fellowship last night
• for those who relapse and make it back, so I don't have to do the research myself
• that I am often repelled by what fascinates the general public
• for the lives I touch and the lives that touch me

No person whose fear reaches a panic stage can effectively control his or her actions.We cannot expect sobriety alone to make us exempt from fear. What it can do is give us an ability to handle our fear constructively. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.16.09

The only thing you get from sitting on the pity pot is a ring around your butt and nobody to show it to! ~Anonymous

.

Today I am grateful...

• that SoJo are looking at the cutest brindle Boxer pup
• that right now I have what I want and want what I have = peace of mind
• that today I will strive to bring forth my reality in a form that is loving, healing and fun
• to have a higher power that supports my thoughts--that is, in fact, the impetus behind my thoughts
• that I have been given the power to create my experience by the thoughts I choose

Baba taught me to take responsibility for my life, for my actions, and for myself … To have devotion, to have love for (God), does not mean that you just sit there and do nothing and let (God) do everything. It means to take responsibility. ~Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

10.15.09

We’ve stopped acting as if we have no choice. ~Keep It Simple

.

TodayI am grateful...

• for the promise of cool weather on its way. Seriously, today's high projected to be 92º. Enough!
• that I can pray anywhere, anytime about anything
• for those counting days and those counting years
• for the rebirth the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given me
• that my higher power removed whatever was blocking me from getting and staying sober

All spiritual awakenings have some things in common. Common elements include an end to loneliness and a sense of direction in our lives. ~JFT

10.14.09

To pretend to be something we are not, or have a grandiose illusion about our own importance, misses the truth, misses our truth and misses our individuality. ~Fr Leo

.

Today I am grateful...

• that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has changed many things I thought to be true when I was active in my addiction
• that my mind was ready to accept the language of recovery
• for Herb and Dorothy. The incredible true story of a postal worker and a librarian who built a world-class art collection. It showed on PBS last night. They are so cute, so small, so dedicated to collecting their art. It is valued at hundreds of millions of dollars, yet they have never sold one piece and have donated all of it back to the people of the United States. Left me in awe.
• that today will purr along. I can go along with it or I can spit and arch my back. Guess it's my choice.
• that we are one more day closer to total fall weather (it's hot and humid and icky outside)

The alarming thing about pride-blindness is the ease with which it is justified. But we need not look far to see that self-justification is a universal destroyer of harmony and of love. It sets man against man, nation against nation. By it, every form of folly and violence can be made to look right, and even respectable. ~Bill W

A Better Day

12" x 9", acrylic and pencil on panel
Donation to Avenue CDC auction.

10.13.09

The world will often discourage you from giving love. Give love anyway. ~R. Marston

.

Today I am grateful...

• that today I will do my best to roll with the punches
• that my life punches are usually pretty soft
• for the maintenance of the connection to a Higher Power
• that if we are given a share of liquor to drink in a lifetime, I have had mine and more
• for the Monday night Beginners meeting that keeps me right-sized

Self-pity is one of the most dangerous forms of self-centeredness. It fogs our vision. ~Kathy S.

I pray to see the path God lights for me as I am at times blinded by my own lack of consciousness or lack of faith. ~Shelley

10.12.09

My ego talks / My humility acts. ~Sri Chinmoy

.

Today I am grateful...

• for another Monday to practice
• that this morning I feel rested and my cold seems to have abated
• that I feel blessed to be part of this year's Round Up
• that whatever today brings I am sure I will have help in handling it
• that the First Step, first thing in the morning, creates a nice perspective

Humility is the real secret of the spiritual life. When we embody humility, we neither underestimate nor overestimate our life. Humility is not a matter of touching the feet of somebody. It is our feeling of consecrated oneness with humanity. Real humility is the expansion of our consciousness. It is the God-life within us. The higher we go, the greater is our promise to the Supreme in mankind. The more light we receive by virtue of our humility, the more we have to offer mankind. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.11.09

It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. ~Winston Churchill

.

Today I am grateful...

• that my piece of the puzzle is fitting better
• for minimal daily drama
• when grown men cry
• that change can be painful and scary, and to know it is only a day at a time
• that trust and acceptance are the keys to happiness today

The Eleventh Step asks us to meditate as a route to improving our conscious contact with God. Meditation is different than obsessing or worrying. Obsession and worrying are fear connections. Meditation means opening our mind and our spiritual energy to the God connection. ~The Language of Letting Go

10.10.09

Criticizing an others garden does not keep the weeds out of yours. ~Unknown

.

Today I am grateful...

• for the current events in my life. Things are just so interesting sober.
• that this weekend my show comes down. It is something I am extremely proud of, this body of work. It is an amazing feeling.
• that I can be creative, that it has become a passion. I never had a passion and saw others who did and wondered why I did not.
• that today I will do my bookkeeping work at Lambda, meet with someone to start their first step and tomorrow I will attend a meeting of workshop leaders for the Houston Round Up
• that the air conditioner hasn't kicked on since last evening. It's 57º this morning!

People say that artists are crazy, and I suppose this is true. But we need crazy people to take the world where it needs to go. In the crazy, the seed of genius is often buried. ~Fr Leo

More Pammie Blue - Tibetan Prayer Wheel

10.09.09

It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it. ~Lena Horne

.

Today I am grateful...

• that we have a cool front on the way. Sometimes Mother Nature doesn't remember when summer has ended.
• that I am pretty much in the loop--if I pay attention
• because today I have some focus. I can concentrate on living my life, instead of the old days where I was hell bent on destroying it.
• that we are all healers when we offer our hand
• for trust in a Higher Power that sustains my life and sustains my future. I don't have to worry about it.

Humility is about speaking your mind, fighting for your ideas and opinions, creating through effort, sweat and debate. The humble man's ego is based on reality --- not fed on illusion. When he is wrong, he can admit it and is open to the ideas of others. ~Fr Leo

Blue Prayer Flags

10.08.09

Hatred is never anything but fear - if you feared no one, you would hate no one. ~Hugh Downs

.

Today I am grateful...

• that I woke feeling a bit more normal. My nose feels more like the usual allergic nose I am used to.
• that I do not have to give in, but I do need to turn it over
• that I can recognize that every day I miss at least one chance to keep my mouth shut. I must practice viglance more and fear less.
• that when I see blue today I will think of Pam and her Mama
• when I practice patience things usually work smoother and my shoulders don't carry as much tension

Like a loud alarm clock, the First Step brings us to semi consciousness—although at this point, we may not be sure whether we want to climb out of bed or maybe sleep for just five more minutes. The gentle hand shaking our shoulders as we apply the Second and Third Steps causes us to stand up, stretch, and yawn. We need to wipe the sleep from our eyes to write the Fourth Step and share our Fifth. But as we work the Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps, we begin noticing a spring in our step and the start of a smile on our lips. Our spirits sing in the shower as we take the Tenth and Eleventh Steps. And then we practice the Twelfth, leaving the house in search of others to awaken. ~NA Just for Today

Release of Desire

24" x 24", acrylic on canvas

10.07.09

The first and greatest commandment is 'Don't let them scare you.' ~Elmer Davis

.

Today I am grateful...

• that although I developed a fever last night it didn't continue and I woke feeling a little better
• that I need to remember most people are too self-centered to be concerned with what I am doing (or whatever anyone thinks of me is not my business)
• that I have done the work suggested and will strive today to continue. No resting on laurels.
• that I got to celebrate my ex-partner's birthday last night with close friends, at a really nice place. We have a great relationship today and he continues to be one of the most important people in my life, and has been for 26 years
• that one of the forms my Higher Power took was the sweetness that is Bunny, the Boston Bulldog. He snuggles next to me and in that I find great comfort, he makes me laugh and I see directly God's grace. I love a happy dog.

Though alcoholics can appear to have serious shortcomings, these problems are really only misguided attempts to satisfy needs that must be met. In the 12 Step program, we do not deny our human needs. We realize, however, that these needs must be met in moral, constructive ways. False methods of meeting needs will bring false, harmful results. We can meet our needs in an orderly manner by turning to our Higher Power and following the slow and impractical, but over the longer term we will come to see that it is the right way to live. Our instinctive needs are proper and God-given, but they must not run wild in our lives. Living sober also means taming our instincts. I'll not be surprised by the various needs I may feel today. I am committed, however, to a moral and principled response to these needs. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.06.09

It does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses of others heavy. ~Bill W

.

Today I am grateful...

• to have made it through another night of cement block head and Saraha mouth
• that I have another day to be better than I was yesterday
• that I don't have a high-powered job
• that God sustains me
• that I asked for my thinking to be redirected

Your inner self is literal and does not understand ambiguity so whenever you direct it to manifest your desires, give it absolutely literal instructions. Your natural self is quite fond of accomplishing the tasks you give it. It loves to display its skills and perform for you and others, and can do nearly anything (within the realm of possibility and probability) that you can conceive. ~Enid Hoffman

10.05.09

Pride keeps my nose pushed against the picture so I cannot see the portrait! ~Fr Leo

.

Today I am grateful...

• that colds don't last forever and sugar free honey lemon lozenges work wonders
• that I wish I had a dollar for every person that will dress as Michael Jackson this Halloween
• that there are some things I will never know or understand
• to have a place where I can be silent and safe
• for chipping away at The Great Wall of Scott, little by little

Sobriety is not likely to give us the equivalent of the euphoria we got from drinking, but a great sense of well-being based on realistic expectations is more satisfying than the ridiculous mental states we sought in drinking. Living the right kind of life will bring its own rewards. ~Walk in Dry Places

10.04.09

Your three best doctors are faith, time, and patience. ~fortune cookie

.

Today I am grateful...

• that the gallery 'walk-about' went well despite the rain, we sold some paintings and some posters
• that I have friends that come out to support me, send me healing thoughts and make my life a pleasure
• that my throat held out with the help of some sugar free lozenges. This morning it is still very sore, my stuffy head is finally a little more open and there is definitely more sleep on today's gray, rainy agenda.
• that although I felt totally inadequate last night when a friend called in some relationship emotional distress, I could be there and generally always answer the phone
• that there is a solution

Today I have confidence in my life and I am experiencing consistency in my behavior and attitude. In recovery, things follow a natural progression and life is more like a series of curves than sharp peaks. As an addict, my life was forever going up and down, ecstasy followed by gloom; the "best ever" followed by depression; always black and white --- no grays.

Today I have some balance and consistency. Things are connected and grow in the process of change. Sudden happenings and quick changes scare me because they are symptomatic of yesterday's disease and are not consistent with the spiritual life I seek. Today I have the peace of knowing that tomorrow will be something like today --- and I am happy. ~Fr Leo

10.03.09

We all came on different ships but we're on the same boat now. ~Martin Luther King

.

Today I am grateful...

• that even though I woke with a really sore throat I woke sober and remembering all of last night
• that the sore throat will pass, plus it marks annually the beginning of Fall
• that tonight I have a gallery walk-about. It is sort of a re-opening with commemorative posters available. I think the idea is that people can walk with me and ask me questions. We will see.
• for the season opener of Dexter (recorded last Sunday night)
• that I get to meet with my wonderful sponsor this morning

The heart cannot both doubt and have faith, hate and give love, worry and trust in God for one will soon crowd out the other. ~unknown

10.02.09

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. ~Gandhi

.

Today I am grateful...

• that yesterday's slight feeling of sadness lifted after a friend called and we shared laughter
• to have woken during the thunderstorm this morning, seeing the time on the alarm clock and knowing I had hours left to sleep
• that it is crispy cool outside, damp, sort of perfect
• for the odd experience of having Novocaine in the front part of my mouth yesterday as my dentist filled a small cavity. It is the second time she has mentioned that I might want to have my teeth straightened. One tooth has a slight set-back, but not enough to go to all that trouble I think. Anyway, the cavity filling ordeal was the least stressful one ever. Absolutely painless. Also I am grateful that fillings are no longer visible like those old gray ones.
• that today I will "Make it work!"

Since you are a seeker, there should be no fear, for you are taking shelter inside the infinite Affection of the Absolute Supreme. ~Sri Chinmoy

10.01.09

One can easily understand a child's fear of the dark, but what is the greatest tragedy in life is the grown man who is afraid of the light. ~Plato

.

Today I am grateful...

• for over the counter Claritin and Nostrilla to chase away the allergy attack on my nose
• that for no reason I can discern I am feeling sad. It is lightweight and seems to be unfounded and It Will Pass.
• that So and family were approved to adopt the young Boxer
• that I still believe in magic
• for the willingness to do the work, that is God doing for me what I could not do for myself

Everyday I wake up and expect magic. Some days I'm disappointed and some days I have to look a little harder. But the day that I stop looking and expecting, I might as well just stay in bed. ~One Wink

09.30.09

Nothing is worth more than this day. ~Goethe

.

Today I am grateful...

• that I got to hang out with Boston last night to help her celebrate four years of recovery. She inspires me.
• that I honestly have no regrets, unless there are some hiding in that secret drawer where I put feelings before I am aware of them
• that I am easily emotional. When I am moved, and I often am during meetings, I know that is the divine love surging through my heart and expanding it because it needs to be able to hold more and more.
• that my sobriety continues to evolve. It has yet to become static because I feed it spiritually healthy things.
• for conscious contact with my Higher Power

Life begins right outside your comfort zone. Start changing. If I fail to change the person I was when I came in, that person will take me out! ~Pocket Sponsor

09.29.09

It's hard work taking everyone elses inventory. Worst of all, they seldom seem grateful! ~Anonymous

.

Today I am grateful...

• for love, joy and abundance
• that I am free to be myself
• that I might not succeed, but I do try to be part of the solution
• for the miracles I have witnessed in my life and in the lives of others through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous
• that my ultimate responsibility is for myself, and that if I attend that responsibility with the work I am to do, I can lend some of the good stuff to others

The best reason for gratitude is the outlook it creates as we cultivate it within ourselves. We will actually feel mentally and physically uplifted if we know true gratitude. This is the true spiritual outlook alcoholics seek in the bottle but can find only in the new way of life. ~Walk in Dry Places

09.28.09

When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love... ~Bill W
.
Today I am grateful...

• that in he mornings my mind is quiet and not just waiting for me to wake up so it can pounce on me
• that I am up early so I can get to my stress test on time
• that I love it that Bill W talks about heartbeat when I have a stress test scheduled
• that in recovery my life grows and evolves
• that I continue to strive to trust all the while praying for release from the bondage of the ego self

Get rid of the excuses for not doing those things that make you happy. ~Fr Leo

"I like to read a murder mystery, I like to know the killer isn't me." -Erasure

09.27.09

If you want to feel better, act better. ~Dee C

.

Today I am grateful...

• for perfect Saturdays
• that I got to break bread with two friends in their new home
• for friendships forged in recovery
• for dinner with friends
• that birthday night at Lambda Center last night was filled to the brim with love and celebrations of changed lives
• to have observed from a close distance (about three feet) the powerful and creepy effects of lust. I was able to offer an escape for a friend that was being hawked upon in an inappropriate manner.
• for the giggles at the table at an after birthday night celebration
• that I will miss Lou's posts

Miracles become medically respectable only when they pile up into big statistics, scientifically authentic. By 1944 there were about 20,000 active AAs, all former derelicts, all now sober and working. What struck me then, and has since, was not so much that the AAs I met were dry but that they were a new kind of human being. ~from silkworth.net (a reprint of a 1950 Reader's Digest article)